That's no bull! But seriously, yeah that is a bull. Last weekend I went to a bull fight with Marija, Lydia, Silas, Marvin, Anand, Jermaine, and Micah. Well, I thought it was a bull fight, but instead it was a delightful Spanish game I like to call "Don't Get Gored!" The premise is simple. First, teams of two Spaniards jump into a large ring with a large bull. The bull, upset with the lagging economy, chases the Spaniards. The Spaniards, careful not to get gored, must slip a small metal ring around one of the bull's horns, thus scoring a ringy.
Here is a perfect example of team Yellow Finch scoring a ringy. The judges award one point for each ringy, but I thought the contest needed more scoring...
When team White And Red, Don't Get Dead entered the ring, I knew something special was going to happen, and they didn't let me down. Observe the alternating scissor kicks used by the team to simulate a tranquil French ballet. With the bull asleep, they easily scored a ringy. Not even Louis XIV had moves like that: 10 points for synchronization.
White and Red had this bull humming a saucy tune when they deployed the "taxi cab." Strong Juan uses perfect form on the hale, but where's Gordy with the side door? Bad form Gordy: -4 points for the botch job.
With Gordy on a siesta, Strong Juan is left to fend for himself. Juan musters an Elvis hip thrust as he takes the business end of that horn right in the sunshine state: -5 points for an untimely siesta, and a 2 week suspension for Gordy.
Team Nanner Nanner Blue Blue never actually entered the ring, but their moves were nonetheless impressive. Observe Horace outside the ring doing pullups while the crowd counts them out loud. That bull can't touch Horace out there: 4 points for changing the subject.
Who's that? Why it's Russian gymnast Alexi Nemov, that's who! What a great shot of Alexi avoiding an angry bull that would love to gore someone while giving the crowd a special treat. On the other hand, if he had any Russian balls he'd be working that bull like a pommel horse: -5 points for the Red Scare.
Making a surprise guest appearance was the team of Danny Devito and George Muresan. George draws the bull's attention by simulating the bull's natural prey: a giraffe. Meanwhile, Danny scuttles behind, cackling like the Penguin: 2 points for finding matching uniforms in those sizes.
With three animals in the ring, naturally, a barnyard jamboree erupts. The animals chase each other's tails until they get tired. Danny and George are busy giggling with delight and forget to score a ringy: 3 points for childish glee.
Just like mom said, "It's all fun and games until the bull gets stuck in the wall." A good barnyard jamboree can make anyone dizzy, and this bull found out the hard way why you don't ride the spinny rides at the carnival. The Penguin helps out while George looks for Gordy: 10 points for rescuing the bully.
It's time to declare the real winner of the match. For those of you keeping score at home, we have in third place: Nanner Nanner Blue Blue with -1 point. In second place: White and Red, Don't Get Dead with 1 point. And in first place: George Muresan and Danny Devito with 15 points! Way to go guys, you make Felix and Oscar look like Laverne and Shirley.
1 comment:
Your pictures and expert commentary exhibit a rapid bonding with the true Spanish soul, known as el soulo. However inquiring minds want to know why there were no points deducted for dirtying one's goring shoes in bull droppings or why no points were added for Danny DeVito and George Muresan's excellent choreography which left their cheap Spanish-version Keds in prime Salsa-dancing condition. Also was the bull at a disadvantage on a dusty, yea even slippery track with hooves that, unbeknowst to the neophyte, hand been sanded and buffed with left-over World War II Italian salad dressing? Find a politician who dodges the subject of hoove-tampering and I suggest he be salad-dressed and given only a sumo-sling and a ring for the horn of a bull outfitted under the new Tiger Woods/ Nike Swoosh mega-traction goring shoes and matching collarless form-fitting red shirt. Keep up the good work but beware of the exposure to culture cloaked in the guise of a rampant "bull-shoe" controversy.
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